A shit day out

What a shit day I had

By Mini Me Hulk

Well Sunday has been and gone. And yes I did not get in the club, not even mentioned by the media as being the main man behind the event.... THE BASTARDS. I WILL HAVE MY DAY YOU... MARK MY WORDS. OHHH I COULD CRUSH A GRAPE.

As the people who did the real work stood outside to watch the unveiling and rub shoulders with the hoy paloy, I had to stand by the public barrier and watch from afar with a tramp that I had picked up off the street near London Bridge to make out I had mates. (It cost me a bag of Dip daps and tube of smarties)

The events main theme was un-veiled and people started to clap and cheer. However because of my stunted growth large outrageous face and special needs learning curve and years of dip dap abuse, it took a wee bit for the signal from my receptors and white ventricles in the left side of my brain to secrete the proper amount of cervical fluid and signals strength to my arms and hands, so I could only manage slow claps. I thought about trying to form words as well but knew that was going a brain function to far.

I was so angry that I was so insignificant that the press did not want to talk to me, even when I tried to get them to see my event in the pub, ok..... so I can’t get a Wiki entry like Bungle, wee jimmy Cranky or even Florence from Magic Roundabout... BITCH she got me arrested once for stalking her, only for Mick the Marmilizer one of the Diddy men. Who, I may add kicked seven shades of poo out of me because he found me lurking around her garden at night.

He was doing her after a Ken Dodd corporate event for the Inland Revenue and she never told me. I heard them laughing about me because he got me took off the 1975 Diddy men annual and banned from the Jam butty mines, I was so angry when I heard her say pelican neck, I fell off the plant pot I was tip toeing on and nearly broke my legs as it was a long way down.

Out came Marmilizer with just a star spangled thong and 70s silver Garry Glitter clogs on, you know the ones, the ones with massive thick soles.

He then processed to do a Michal flattery out of river Dance impression on my head. I screamed FUCK OFF NO NOT THE FACE, IVE GOT A CASTING INTERVUEW FOR THE BORROWRS TOMORROW. But he was relentless; all I could see was Marmilizers goofy grinning teeth and a flurry of silver clogs and could hear Florence in the background shouting GE ON MY SON, GIVE IT HIM IT RITE HARD (she was from Sunderland originally)

When I woke up I knew I had to do something to get famous so Florence would want me,,,,if only I could get a Wiki entry, and here I am trying to cash in on other peoples heard work and yes you guessed it, I failed big time AGAIN I’m still looking for the bus to stardom and notoriety to jump on, problem is I just have no real talent other than harassing and stalking...Oh and being a self publicising Twat (I think that is what SKY NEWS said I was the other day)

Ho hum there is always the Keith Moon event to try and grandstand and spoil, Oh.. Maybe not, looks like they are on to me already. THE BASTARDS, BACK TO THE DREWING BOARD. And who put me on Gay dating site. Aarrrrr that Marmilizer,,, I will get you,, mark my words.

Peter Cook Plaque

On a serious note. I would like to take the time to congratulate Miss Sally Weston for her sterling work over the past year and a half and bringing about the hugely successful Peter Cook Plaque day on Sunday the 15 February 2009 she is not one to blow her own trumpet so I thought I would do it for her
Without Sally westons tireless commitment to this historic event, it would not have taken place and been such a successes. Thanks should also go to all the members of the Heritage foundation and Westminster council.

Among the stars at the event on Sunday was comedian Barry Cryer Broadcaster and quiz show host Nicholas Parsons and many more. The Heritage Foundation's David Graham said the plaque was the inspiration, tenacity and hard work of Sally Weston, she is the real workforce behind the project.

Sally said to a press man

Also the nice thing is that the wording after 'only twin' was supplied by myself... as the previous submission had been grammatically incorrect and was worded in such a way to suggest peter cook literally ran through the club at high speed.. lol in fact the rate it was going I wouldn't have been surprised if it had been dedicated to Peter Cock

See links
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7891000.stm

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/celebritynews/4630850/Peter-Cook-honoured-with-plaque.html

Well done Sally, Job done!

The Day I was banned from a grand day out

The Day I was banned from the club

I had a right crap day on Sunday. I fancied a nice day out so thought I would organise an event so people would think I'm somebody, get to network with the world of comedy and be noticed by the world’s media.

Great..Idea I thought to myself, however being lazy and idle I thought I would let others do the work and this to my great surprise is where things took a downwards turn.As you have been reading in my Blog the adventures of Mini Me Hulk you would have seen how I have at times (if not all my life) made a complete and utter twat of myself. I never learn and never will. (Far too dense and stupid)A few months before the event I had pestered and rubbed up the wrong way many people in my quest for fame and fortune without lifting a finger.

I even tried to get a Wiki entry BUT THE BASTARDS DONT THINK I HAVE DONE ANYTHING OF NOTE. BASTARDS, BASTARDS, BASTARDS.

The last straw was when I was put in my place by the people who got pissed off with my lazy ways a few weeks ago, and had the audacity to tell me outright, “PLEB, YOUR NAMES NOT DOWN, YOUR NOT COMMING IN, NOW DO ONE STINK BREATH”. I told them as I went all raging marry and shook my fists in a hissy fit...I WILL SHOW YOU. ERRRRRR” I then put the phone down and started to let my mind wonder as to how I could get in. Then A light bulb went off in my head “BING” I know I will make out I have a party of my own, that will show them. I will invite all my mates and we will laugh out very loud so everyone can hear what fun we are having and how popular I am. Only one problem. I don't have friends /except the ones in my mind) even the Diddy men wanted to kick my head in, not much money as I have not worked since Ken Dodd was done for Tax evasion other than for a gaming site. What’s more, other than snide emails, sneaky phone calls to the press Grassing to a paper that I worked for people who were doing the work and slagging of members of a family.. Even Cyber stalking on all the sites,

I'm not very good at the grafting stuff. So I just did what I normally do attempted to plaster the Internet on free sites like Face book Gumtree, etc and making sure everyone knew that it was me that did the work “I STARTED IT, ME ME ME” and that I was having my own party ner ner nernaaaa,, however other people started to read it and took it for what it was. A crock of Poo from a weirdo trying to get people to a Pub on the back of other people’s hard work just so he can make out he has mates, well you know the saying “you can't arrange a piss up in a brewery” as I was told constantly by mister Dodd. I was desperate for people to think I was in control of the situation, I did not want people to see I had lost and lost so badly, So I made very unprofessional ads with a hotmail and then Work Email address is that not a very bad thing for your new boss to know about???) , no set contact number other than a mobile no main admin site so people could see it was professional . I tried to get the press interested in my event and not theirs, by sneaky calls but it backfired as SKY News knew I was self-promoting when I kept ringing them this week.. and have taken no notice of me...They too know I'm a buffoon, and at the same time I begged in vain to the main event organisers please let me have a ticket, hoping they may just change their minds.

Sadly as I tried to get in I found out my photo mug shot a very long one to fit my chin in was with the security men and a few others near the barriers. I thought I could bluff my way in but sadly it’s hard not to spot a 4 ft dwarf with a Chin that big it scraps on the floor a Mekong crater forehead that could advertise a bill board poster and teeth like I have been sucking on a dog toffee all my life... So I went to the pub and drank on my own........that will show em I thought as I could hear them all laughing at my expense..... For a second, then I was forgotten about again and they all moved on. Why am I so insignificant and a laughing stock?

The Rod,Jane and Freddy Mission

Mini Me Hulk adventures

and the strange tale of

Rod Jane and Freddy. My story


In this blog I will recount the day that I had the living daylights kicked out of me by Rod and Freddy after they caught me trying to stalk Jane. Those reading this blog may know of this trio. Before Freddy Marks it was Rod, Matt and Jane. Matt Corbett left the trio in 1976 and started hosting The Sooty Show after his father Harry H Corbett, one of my many mentors retired. There is more with 'Mattie' as I knew him but that’s for another blog. Anyway, then came Roger Walker but he left in 1980 and Freddy Mark joined the gang. They're fairly notorious and they even have a Wiki entry THAT I DON'T HAVE AS THE BASTARDS THINK I'M NOT FAMOUS.....FUCKERS.

Ok I’m sorry I’m cool again just had a green leaf salad and some herbal tea. Rod Jane and Freddy were the songsters behind that great children’s entertainment show Rainbow. I’ve taken much from Rainbow and implemented it into my adult life... just like Harry Corbett, Ken Dodd

and others I will blog about. I looked up to their fame and fortune and I wanted a piece....badly.

I started looking up the characters of Rainbow in the phone book as we did not have the Internet back then (still don't) so as to choose my victim... err I mean new best mate that would get me in with the right people.

Rainbow was about a group of people and puppets that would involve some kind of squabble or dispute between the puppet characters of Zippy, George and Bungle, and Geoffrey's attempts to calm them down and keep the peace.

See here http://www.rainbow-forever.co.uk/

First I looked up Zippy, Bungle, George and Jeffrey. I made a point of not trying to get on with Rod and Freddy first as I knew they would be protective of Jane and suspicious of anyone, and Mattie as I called him was a defo no no. I needed to get in with the main cast first..

I first tracked down Zippy in a cafe on old London road; he was surrounded with these hard looking fellows in black leather coats with big sticks with nails in them and bald heads. Zippy was at the head of the table smoking very expensive fags and doing lines of Sherbet dib dab.

I noticed Ken Dodd’s suppliers mark on the back of the pack and instantly became angry at the thought of Zippy being welcomed into my old masters circle of high flyer friends. THE BASTARD (I said in my head, but I could not let my real persona show through...not yet.)

I walked up to the table, Zippy paid me no attention as I
approached but his hench-men looked at me in a menacing way. As I got to the foot of the table and stood on my tippy toes Zippy slowly looked up from his martini and put his silk cut in his open zippy mouth. WARR YOO WANT BIG CHINED LITTWAL MAN zippy said as he wiped the last bit of dib dab from his smooth nose. I replied that I used know his dib dab dealer Ken, thinking it would have broken the ice but Zippy became incensed with anger, his eyes never blinking once. I thought it was because he was smacked up on his little tits on dib dab but no, I found out it was because he had no eye lids. Zippy just made a gesture to his thugs and I was chucked out of the cafe onto the pavement (where I felt strangely at home), I could hear Zippy laughing in that tone he used when he had pissed off Bungle. I was a laughing stock, everyone started to laugh and point at me, mocking my outrageously massive Chin on a dwarf’s body and calling me loser. I felt so alone and angry. But that just made me more determined.

I did not bother with George the cow as he was known for not taking any poo; he was studying law and psychology at Greenwich Collage and knew big words. So I moved on to Jeffery and Bungle.
Jeffery and Bungle went to the same clubs and were known for their rock n roll life style and hard living. I made my way to Soho and a place called Backdoor Vendor, a seedy place that was known to be frequented by hard living children’s TV celebrities also selling ‘Spank’ a cocktail of dib dabs, Space dust and Tizer.









It was rocket fuel and to the Spank virgin could send you off your head and into a coma. As I walked in I was sure I saw one of the main diddy men Hamish Mcdiddy who bullied me when on Kens show and when working at the jam butty mines . I did not want to blow my “nice bloke, feel sorry for me persona cover” that I had used to great effect on my victims in the past...err sorry.. mates, so I stayed alert and tried to keep a low profile.






I clung to the walls and in the shadows trying to avoid my massive chin getting highlighted by the flashing lights, to my luck the tables were only 4ft high so I was able to walk under them, un-noticed. I could just make out Bungle larging it on the dance floor with Jeffery. Bungle was pulling on Jeffery’s Rainbow braces shouting ‘who are ur, who are ur’ as he drank from a tankard of Spank with Jeffery waving his hands in the air in some kind of crazy-man manner and shouting Nick the Peasants.




As I got to them on the dance floor I could hear a shrieking voice from the far side of the club. ‘YO Melaka Bediddy Wankorth or should I say, Mini Me Hulk, wot yee do in err ya wee tosser?’ It was Hamish Mcdiddy he spotted me and he had his shirt off showing his tats of Dundee United football team and nipple piercings and looking very mad smacked up on Spank and fruit loops. It was then I discovered Geoffrey Hayes was also a Dundee United fan.....bugger.

TO BE CONTINUED.....

The Mini Me Hulk adventures

The adventures of Mini-me Hulk


Hello to my blog Mini-me Hulk and the adventures of, this is about my life and constantly failing to get in the spot light, get noticed by others in the street ,all out fame and generally failing at every attempt and the hilarious, sometimes SAD sequence of events that surround them.

First the health and safety warning for those reading this. You may feel this is about YOU there may be personality traits contained in this blog that you see in yourself or you have been accused of by your friends, family and foes alike, when you have come a cropper trying to spread your web of deceit for your own selfish gain.

Don’t worry everyone thinks your C(o)nt anyway but if you do continue reading, don’t blame me If I’m flagging up your personality traits. My blog, this is just my personal expression. Complaining to the site admin that it’s not fair they're taking the piss out of me will get you nowhere you Dwarf just don’t read it and suck it in as my mate Peter would say.

The Harry H Corbett Tribute scam

Not long ago I tried to piggy back and take over a memorial night for Harry H Corbett the man that brought Sooty and Sweep to our TVs. I know what you’re thinking, why try to make out that someone else’s hard work and dedication was all my own work when I had done nothing but just brag and blag my way in. Well I’m going to tell you in this blog. Not just the Corbett scam but many others. Like the time I tried to sing a song on TV for a bluff charity and screwed it up with a bum note the minute the cameras started to roll. I just could not reach the microphone it was not my fault. How the production team and everyone watching laughed at me.

I KNOW THEY DID THE BASTARDS.

The turbulent time I had with my girlfriend when she said I was stalking her at 3AM in the morning, simply not true, I was just walking past her home. Ok, Ok I live miles away with my mum and sister, also have no job as now Star Wars is over there is less call for Jawa or Ework extras and Ken Dodd went down for Tax things years ago so work dried up for me. (Disclaimer not my fault) I did try to get on the Hulk set as you will read later in the Blog but that is for another time.
As for the stalking women thing, I just got on the wrong bus and got off at the very stop where she lived and scratched at her windows but that was because I knew one of the borrowers who lived there as well, and that was the special sign I had to use. Why can’t I visit them thay have a wiki entry and I want to know why I cant get one?

I love Harry H Corbett, without him I would not be the unbalanced individual that I am today. He taught me life skills that I have carried on into adult life. Harry H Corbett was introduced to me by Ken Dodd many years ago when I was trying to get famous playing one of the diddy men in Knotty ash. even they could get a Wiki entry and not get taken off for being insignificant.....unlike me much later, but that is for another time, what I will say is the BASTARDS TOOK ME OFF THE XMAS ANNUAL 1974... FUCKERS

The Others, Mick the Marmalizer, Nigel Ponsonby Smallpiece and Wee Hamish Mcdiddy hated me as Ken thought I was the dogs bollox for telling him all their secrets behind their backs. Once I made out that I saw Smallpiece and Mcdiddy touch Little Even, one of the lesser known of the diddy clan on his 'special place' and drinking fizzy pop and swearing at kids just before a show. It was a lie but it got me in with the boss.

Ken used to sit me on his knee and smoke rolled up five pound notes in front of me, sucking direct from a sherbet dib-dab pot (no liquorish stick, hard core was Ken), he would tell me tales about how he taught Stephen Fry everything he knew and how he would be nothing without Kens years of experience in the business, but as always Harry H Corbett would end up as the main topic of his sugar ravaged rants. There was a distinctive hateful but jealous tone in his voice when he went off on one. "Corbett this", "Corbett that" and as for his son Mathew, well I best not say anymore but just think 'Brides Head Revisited' mixed with 'Blackadder 2' with a pinch of 'Some Mothers do Avam', I’m sure you get my drift.

Despite Kens rants I admired Harry; he took puppetry to another level with Sooty (the lovable bear with the wand) who had a best friend Sweep, the dozy dog who got up to all sorts of scamps and jolly japes with his water pistol.

I wanted to be on the show and get on the team with Harry H but Ken was having none of it and would not let me go. He would go quite mad at the thought. He had other plans for me. The ratings were flagging and he needed new sketches, I told him I could do a new character called mini-me Hulk, this was after watching an episode of the Hulk with Lou Ferrigno and Bill Bixby . I said I could change from Melaka Bediddy Wankorth the not so popular to the Mini-Me Hulk the raging Green homo. I described how Nigel Ponsonby Smallpiece could say the secret word to set me off, I said to use him so I could be the main focus of the show and take some of his notoriety from him.

Ken loved it but both Marmalizer and Ponsonby Smallpiece grassed me up to Universal Studios under some copyright thing and Lou Ferrigno threatened me and said he would kick my back doors in...."rite hard". Then I was kidnapped by Hamish Mcdiddy and put in a skip (although the urban myth is that it was a bin), I never saw Ken again.

Well there is much more and I will wait until another time to tell you more there are loads of famous people that I will name drop but you will have to wait. For now ......bye bye for now.....Bye Bye

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2TE0UzieDg ENJOY