The Rod,Jane and Freddy Mission

Mini Me Hulk adventures

and the strange tale of

Rod Jane and Freddy. My story


In this blog I will recount the day that I had the living daylights kicked out of me by Rod and Freddy after they caught me trying to stalk Jane. Those reading this blog may know of this trio. Before Freddy Marks it was Rod, Matt and Jane. Matt Corbett left the trio in 1976 and started hosting The Sooty Show after his father Harry H Corbett, one of my many mentors retired. There is more with 'Mattie' as I knew him but that’s for another blog. Anyway, then came Roger Walker but he left in 1980 and Freddy Mark joined the gang. They're fairly notorious and they even have a Wiki entry THAT I DON'T HAVE AS THE BASTARDS THINK I'M NOT FAMOUS.....FUCKERS.

Ok I’m sorry I’m cool again just had a green leaf salad and some herbal tea. Rod Jane and Freddy were the songsters behind that great children’s entertainment show Rainbow. I’ve taken much from Rainbow and implemented it into my adult life... just like Harry Corbett, Ken Dodd

and others I will blog about. I looked up to their fame and fortune and I wanted a piece....badly.

I started looking up the characters of Rainbow in the phone book as we did not have the Internet back then (still don't) so as to choose my victim... err I mean new best mate that would get me in with the right people.

Rainbow was about a group of people and puppets that would involve some kind of squabble or dispute between the puppet characters of Zippy, George and Bungle, and Geoffrey's attempts to calm them down and keep the peace.

See here http://www.rainbow-forever.co.uk/

First I looked up Zippy, Bungle, George and Jeffrey. I made a point of not trying to get on with Rod and Freddy first as I knew they would be protective of Jane and suspicious of anyone, and Mattie as I called him was a defo no no. I needed to get in with the main cast first..

I first tracked down Zippy in a cafe on old London road; he was surrounded with these hard looking fellows in black leather coats with big sticks with nails in them and bald heads. Zippy was at the head of the table smoking very expensive fags and doing lines of Sherbet dib dab.

I noticed Ken Dodd’s suppliers mark on the back of the pack and instantly became angry at the thought of Zippy being welcomed into my old masters circle of high flyer friends. THE BASTARD (I said in my head, but I could not let my real persona show through...not yet.)

I walked up to the table, Zippy paid me no attention as I
approached but his hench-men looked at me in a menacing way. As I got to the foot of the table and stood on my tippy toes Zippy slowly looked up from his martini and put his silk cut in his open zippy mouth. WARR YOO WANT BIG CHINED LITTWAL MAN zippy said as he wiped the last bit of dib dab from his smooth nose. I replied that I used know his dib dab dealer Ken, thinking it would have broken the ice but Zippy became incensed with anger, his eyes never blinking once. I thought it was because he was smacked up on his little tits on dib dab but no, I found out it was because he had no eye lids. Zippy just made a gesture to his thugs and I was chucked out of the cafe onto the pavement (where I felt strangely at home), I could hear Zippy laughing in that tone he used when he had pissed off Bungle. I was a laughing stock, everyone started to laugh and point at me, mocking my outrageously massive Chin on a dwarf’s body and calling me loser. I felt so alone and angry. But that just made me more determined.

I did not bother with George the cow as he was known for not taking any poo; he was studying law and psychology at Greenwich Collage and knew big words. So I moved on to Jeffery and Bungle.
Jeffery and Bungle went to the same clubs and were known for their rock n roll life style and hard living. I made my way to Soho and a place called Backdoor Vendor, a seedy place that was known to be frequented by hard living children’s TV celebrities also selling ‘Spank’ a cocktail of dib dabs, Space dust and Tizer.









It was rocket fuel and to the Spank virgin could send you off your head and into a coma. As I walked in I was sure I saw one of the main diddy men Hamish Mcdiddy who bullied me when on Kens show and when working at the jam butty mines . I did not want to blow my “nice bloke, feel sorry for me persona cover” that I had used to great effect on my victims in the past...err sorry.. mates, so I stayed alert and tried to keep a low profile.






I clung to the walls and in the shadows trying to avoid my massive chin getting highlighted by the flashing lights, to my luck the tables were only 4ft high so I was able to walk under them, un-noticed. I could just make out Bungle larging it on the dance floor with Jeffery. Bungle was pulling on Jeffery’s Rainbow braces shouting ‘who are ur, who are ur’ as he drank from a tankard of Spank with Jeffery waving his hands in the air in some kind of crazy-man manner and shouting Nick the Peasants.




As I got to them on the dance floor I could hear a shrieking voice from the far side of the club. ‘YO Melaka Bediddy Wankorth or should I say, Mini Me Hulk, wot yee do in err ya wee tosser?’ It was Hamish Mcdiddy he spotted me and he had his shirt off showing his tats of Dundee United football team and nipple piercings and looking very mad smacked up on Spank and fruit loops. It was then I discovered Geoffrey Hayes was also a Dundee United fan.....bugger.

TO BE CONTINUED.....